Written by Tanya Terry, with photos by Tanya Terry
At a recent meeting of Survivors International Support Service, held at the Gloria Coles Flint Public Library, the topic of forgiveness was discussed.
Many attendees shared stories about opportunities they took to forgive despite physical or emotional pain caused by others so they themselves could enjoy peace and happiness.
Chaplain Marvin Downs, who is also executive pastor at CenterPoint Church (formerly Faith Tabernacle), offered definitions on what forgiveness is and is not. Downs also discussed with the Courier steps a person can take to help them forgive so that they don’t miss opportunities in their own lives because of being stuck in bitterness.
Larry Talton told the Courier he was dropping off medication to his wife on June 17, 2022
“I turned around, headed out towards Saginaw Street and a car crossed the center line and just wiped me out!” explained Talton.
Talton’s car was demolished.
“I had got out the car, and my adrenaline was still flowing, thinking I could walk,” Talton said. “Once I got out the car…I just collapsed. I didn’t know my two feet were broken.”
Talton was transported to Hurley Medical Center where it was determined the head-on auto crash had caused him to suffer two broke legs, three broke fingers, a broke thumb, a fractured elbow, a fractured LT in his back and calcaneus fractures in his heel and ankle.
But Talton still is able to see how fortunate he was!
“As I was headed down Saginaw Street, and I noticed a car coming – like I’m going north and he’s headed south – I’m thinking he’s getting ready to pass me. But he ran right into me. As the impact hit, God told me to duck. So, I ducked – and the whole car just took the top off my car. I feel like that’s what saved me.”
Although he said he does not feel the insurance company has paid him correctly for his injuries, Talton said he has already forgiven the person whose car hit his car.
“I’m a forgiving person anyway. It take a lot of stress and anxiety off your shoulders when you forgive people.”
Another attendee, Demetrius McKeown, shared that she was a caregiver to her husband of 19 years when he was in the early stages of dementia. Her husband was also on dialysis three days a week and had had open heart surgery, diabetes and a multitude of other health issues. According McKeown, she could not even count the number of times the paramedics had been to their home. McKeown was working full-time at General Motors while being a mother and an evangelist, as well as the caregiver to her husband.
“In 2021, three days before Christmas, he served me divorce papers,” McKeown said. “I’m thinking how is that possible.”
According to McKeown, other relatives of her husband, whom she forgave, had convinced her husband to divorce her.
After the divorce had been finalized, McKeown’s ex-husband contracted COVID and double pneumonia and told McKeown he had made a mistake by divorcing her. McKeown prayed for her ex-husband, who ended up getting pneumonia and COVID again. He was in the hospital from September to December before eventually dying the same day he served McKeown with divorce papers.
Because McKeown’s ex-husband still had her down as his durable power of attorney, she was responsible for burying him.
“I didn’t have to pay for the funeral, but the Holy Spirit said ‘do everything I’m telling you to do,” stated McKeown.
McKeown paid for the funeral although her name was not even mentioned at the funeral.
“The power of forgiveness is real – because it was nothing but God’s grace.”
Downs pointed out studies indicate bitterness in the heart can affect people physically and mentally, and can cause depression or anxiety.
On the other hand, Downs, who ministers to people about forgiveness near the end of their lives while they are in hospice, said he has always seen people who forgive experience a sense of peace.
Downs also said it’s important to understand that forgiveness is a process.
“It’s not just a one-time thing,” Downs added. “It’s saying ‘I forgive you, and I’m going to walk this process out, then continue forgiving’….You can’t beat yourself up when you are triggered by something just because number one, you’re human. Number two, you’re hurting. A hurting human is always going to have emotions that are real. If you are patient with yourself knowing you are going to forgive who hurt you, that’s really all you have to do.”
Downs said sometimes forgiveness is a lifelong process, but it’s definitely a worthwhile one!
Five-time cancer survivor Valerie Toles started Survivors International Support Services to educate and uplift community members who have survived cancer and other life experiences. For details, call 810-293-5350.
